<div dir="ltr">attached word doc with edits and notes.<div><br></div><div>Page 3 - paragraph starting "The Address Supporting Organization Advisory Council (ASO AC)"</div><div>Noting David's edit that this should simply be Address Council.</div><div><br></div><div>The paragraph suggests the the ASO AC reviews Global Policy Process to ensure significant viewpoints have been considered. </div><div><br></div><div>Actually it does three things. </div><div>1. reviews Global Policy Process to ensure the process for each RIR has been followed</div><div>2. ensure significant viewpoints have been considered</div><div>3. in the event that non-identical policy is passed in each region, that the unified text is not substantively different that what the communities passed. </div><div><br></div><div>--</div><div><br></div>Page 5 - "The agreement should have the IANA operator perform administration of the unallocated portions of the Internet number registries on behalf of the Regional Internet Registries and specify service levels and performance reporting commensurate with current mechanisms."<div><br></div><div>I wonder what conclusion the community will draw from the text suggesting that the contract should include SLAs and performance reporting commensurate with current mechanisms.</div><div><br></div><div>Does this suggest the current SLAs and reporting are adequate?</div><div>I suspect the community does not know what the current SLAs are (although reporting is pretty clear).</div><div><br></div><div><br></div><div>Does this instead suggest that ICANN is doing a fine job with the IANA operations WRT number resources, and</div><div>the current SLAs and reporting may or may not be adequate, but we do not see addressing this as critical, we should keep the current structure in place for now, and modify it in the future. </div><div><br></div><div>If we want to change the SLAs and reporting, should this require opening up and resigning the contract? </div><div><br></div><div>Might it be better easier to change SLAs with a standalone living document, that he contract refers to?</div><div><br></div><div>--</div><div><br></div><div>Open, Transparent, and Bottom-up</div><div><br></div><div>I was expecting everywhere I saw "open" to also see transparent and bottom-up.</div><div>Page 5 - paragraph starting "While it has not been utilized..."</div><br>"the RIRs should reaffirm their commitment to open, transparent, [bottom-up,] and accountable global number policy."<div><br></div><div>--</div><div><br></div><div>Page 5 - paragraph starting "While it has not been utilized..."<br></div><div>Shouldn't this affirmation also be made to the RIR communities?</div><br>Page 7 - point 1.<br><br>"1. 1. Global number policy development which is open, transparent, and [bottom-up] to any and all participants."<div><br><div>--</div><div><br></div><div>Page 5 - end of paragraph starting "While it has not been utilized..." and the next paragraph.</div><div>I think an ASO AC review of RIR accountability is a good idea. The conclusion of this work should be supported by each of the communities, and implemented by the RIR prior to the transition of the NTIA contract.</div><div><br></div><div>This should include a review of RIR governance. </div><div><br></div><div>This should also include a review of the oversight of IANA functions WRT the contract with ICANN for the number related operations, and oversight of governance of ICANN WRT ratification of Global Policy Ratification.</div><div><br></div><div>I expect this work would include a formal process for modification of IANA function SLA metrics and reporting, as well as a formal process of reviewing IANA operations reports and declaration of (non-)compliance, and appropriate community (or membership) oversight. </div><div><br></div><div><br></div><div>___Jason </div><div><br></div><div><br></div>
</div><div class="gmail_extra"><br><div class="gmail_quote">On Fri, Nov 21, 2014 at 11:25 AM, Jason Schiller <span dir="ltr"><<a href="mailto:jschiller@google.com" target="_blank">jschiller@google.com</a>></span> wrote:<br><blockquote class="gmail_quote" style="margin:0 0 0 .8ex;border-left:1px #ccc solid;padding-left:1ex"><div dir="ltr">Comments in line,<div><br></div><div>__Jason</div><div class="gmail_extra"><br><div class="gmail_quote"><span>On Fri, Nov 21, 2014 at 10:42 AM, David Huberman <span dir="ltr"><<a href="mailto:David.Huberman@microsoft.com" target="_blank">David.Huberman@microsoft.com</a>></span> wrote:<br></span><span><blockquote class="gmail_quote" style="margin:0px 0px 0px 0.8ex;border-left-width:1px;border-left-color:rgb(204,204,204);border-left-style:solid;padding-left:1ex">
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<p>Channeling my inner Megan Kruse with grammar nitpicks, and also some substantive editorial comments:<br></p></div></div></blockquote></span><div>I support all grammar fixes.</div><span><div> </div><blockquote class="gmail_quote" style="margin:0px 0px 0px 0.8ex;border-left-width:1px;border-left-color:rgb(204,204,204);border-left-style:solid;padding-left:1ex"><div dir="ltr"><div style="font-size:12pt;color:rgb(0,0,0);font-family:Calibri,Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;background-color:rgb(255,255,255)"><p>
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Page 2: "which is associated with" should be "which are associated with" since the previous noun was "zones" plural.</p>
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<p>Page 2: inconsistent capitalization of "Internet Number Resource Policies" throughout the document. So far I see:<br>
Internet number resource policies</p>
<p> Internet Number Resource Policies</p>
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<p>Page 3: First full sentence. "describe the proposed global policy" doesn't agree in singular/plural with the preceding text. Perhaps replace "the proposed" with "a proposed" to denote that results occur when a policy is agreed upon?</p>
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<p>Page 3: Paragraph 3 - you defined ASO Advisory Council (ASO AC) and then in paragraph 3 keep mentioning ASO *Address* Council. I am not 100% sure, but don't you mean to use the defined initialism "ASO AC" in all instances of the third paragraph?
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<p>Page 3: Paragraph 4: you can substitute "Regional Internet Registries" with the defined initialism RIR. This is true throughout the document - you may want to search-and-replace "Regional Internet Registries". Just an idea.</p>
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<p> Page 4: "The five <RIRs> are intimately familiar with..." I think this sentence is a run-on, as the second clause doesn't depend on the first clause. I'm not sure. Recommend breaking it into two different sentences, or at least using a semi-colon if you
are expressing a singular idea.</p>
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<p>Substantive comment, not editorial: Page 5, the phrase "commensurate with current mechanisms" - I think this should be stricken. The paragraph goes on to define specific parameters. I think it's better to define all the parameters of the service levels
and performance reporting, rather than rely on associations ("commensurate with") that aren't explicitly defined right there.
<br></p></div></div></blockquote></span><div>I think if you really want to keep the "commensurate with current mechanisms" text, then it is relevant in the NTIA Requirements section, as part of the theme about building on an existing </div><span><div> </div><blockquote class="gmail_quote" style="margin:0px 0px 0px 0.8ex;border-left-width:1px;border-left-color:rgb(204,204,204);border-left-style:solid;padding-left:1ex"><div dir="ltr"><div style="font-size:12pt;color:rgb(0,0,0);font-family:Calibri,Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;background-color:rgb(255,255,255)"><p>
<br>
Substantive comment: Page 5, third paragraph, starting with "While it has not been utilized". What is the purpose of this paragraph? In what way does reaffirmation by the RIRs of their commitment to these goals germane to this document?</p></div></div></blockquote></span><div>I think this section is about the NTIA's ability to revoke the contract to perform the IANA function, and this capability will pass from the NTIA to the RIRs. I think the rest of this section is an attempt to address how such a function could be invoked and the oversight of such. It points to existing process, and existing oversight, and a commitment to the ASO-AC completing a review and making recommendations. </div><div><br></div><div>I think this boils down to two points.</div><div>1. We have pretty good oversight (appropriate for the NTIA Requirements section)</div><div>2. The ASO-AC will review RIR oversight, and shore up any issues with RIR oversight</div><div>(which in general is fine if the work successfully concludes before transition) </div><blockquote class="gmail_quote" style="margin:0px 0px 0px 0.8ex;border-left-width:1px;border-left-color:rgb(204,204,204);border-left-style:solid;padding-left:1ex"><span><div dir="ltr"><div style="font-size:12pt;color:rgb(0,0,0);font-family:Calibri,Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;background-color:rgb(255,255,255)">
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<p> Page 5/6 transition - you've already defined this term, ASO AC.</p>
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<div style="margin:0px;font-family:Calibri,Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif" name="divtagdefaultwrapper">
<div style="margin:0px"><font face="Calibri,sans-serif"><span style="font-size:11pt"><b>David R Huberman</b></span></font></div>
<div style="margin:0px"><font face="Calibri,sans-serif"><span style="font-size:11pt">Microsoft Corporation</span></font></div>
<div style="margin:0px"><font face="Calibri,sans-serif"><span style="font-size:11pt">Principal, Global IP Addressing</span></font></div>
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<div dir="ltr"><font color="#000000" face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size:11pt"><b>From:</b> <a href="mailto:iana-transition-bounces@arin.net" target="_blank">iana-transition-bounces@arin.net</a> <<a href="mailto:iana-transition-bounces@arin.net" target="_blank">iana-transition-bounces@arin.net</a>> on behalf of Sweeting, John <<a href="mailto:john.sweeting@twcable.com" target="_blank">john.sweeting@twcable.com</a>><br>
<b>Sent:</b> Friday, November 21, 2014 7:15 AM<br>
<b>To:</b> <a href="mailto:iana-transition@arin.net" target="_blank">iana-transition@arin.net</a><br>
<b>Subject:</b> [Iana-transition] Draft of ARIN proposal for review and comments</font>
<div> </div>
</div><div><div>
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<div>All,</div>
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<div>As members of the CRISP team representing the ARIN region Bill Woodcock, Michael Abejuela and I held an initial call on Nov 17th to discuss direction. Pulling from the comments that were already posted to this list as well as others Michael Abejuela put
together the attached draft response to the RFP that we would like to use as the baseline to start our ARIN region discussion. Please review the document and provide input via this list. I want to thank Michael for doing this and also commend him on, what
I think, is a very good first draft. We look forward to your input. Thanks in advance for taking the time to review and comment.</div>
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</div>
<div>Your ARIN CRISP members – Bill, Michael and John</div>
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</div>
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